Meridian

I'm standing, trembling on a meridian line
gauging either hemisphere for its value unto me.
I've followed it as far along its longitude as I dare, revealing naught but further questions.
And I know that matched emerald sheen of grass equally green in all directions will be split upon my first step.
So which is it? Left or right?
Two options clear as day from night, but who could choose between any of these?
It's a sick joke my psyche plays in its ploys to convey me to a conclusion but have me feeling regret long before I choose.
Left or right?
I stiffen in terror at every swift breeze, every loose leaf - the thought that the choice could be made for me by chance motion, by the shifting of the earth - it threatens to strip away the last vestige of my humanity; all of the me that's left in this body.
The light in my eyes has long since gone dim, intelligent thought the furthest thing from my mind, staring blankly at this meridian line and realizing that it's been etched straight into my brain, a long crease straight down the middle - The left saying right, the right saying left - my best laid plans split between east and west.

I've crossed so many lines in my time that I don't even know what side I'm on anymore, or if there were sides to begin with.
I scan my memory banks and filter through what few grains my synaptic shores haven't had washed away.
The left I took at 13 when I said "I think I'm gonna live with Dad."
The right I took at 17 when I thought "Put down the knife...it's going to get better."
The left I took at 20 when I said "University isn't helping me...I need to find my own path"
The right I took at 24 when I saw a single poem on youtube and said "I need to do this...now."

I sit down in the dust of indecision and exhale slowly.
I can do this.
I've seen these lines before.
They always look the same.
I rise to my feet with a deliberate balance and wipe the dirt from my legs.
Always the same left or right...
The sun and moon forever rise on this exact meridian line
A decision unreached is a life stopped from living.
deep breath in
deep breath out
I try to inspect the hemispheres, try to get some idea of
NO
A decision unreached is a life stopped from living.
I steady my nerves, shut my eyes
I cringe at the wind and think to hesitate
NO
A decision unreached is a life stopped from living.
Stop thinking, stop worrying, just move. In these moments, all we can do is act, and act now.
I steady my nerves, shut my eyes, pick a direction and prepare to jump
in 3
2
1...